Watching this was harder than watching Shinin’.

When SM Entertainment announced that they were going to release a second video for Jonghyun’s new album–and I knew that he hadn’t filmed one–I figured that it would be a tribute video made up of clips and behind-the-scenes moments of him laughing and singing and enjoying life…and I was okay with that.  After all, I had been comforting myself by watching his old videos and my favorite skits from SNL Korea, so it shouldn’t be nearly as bad as watching him so vibrant and alive as he was in the title track release.

How wrong I was.

The main reason for my feeling this way is that there is something very final about this.  Before Our Spring is one of my favorite songs from the album and it was already placed in a space to sound like a goodbye.  The lyrics about him watching [us] from afar and not wanting to get near us because he was afraid we was contagious hit me hard, but there was something so lovely and hopeful in the refrain nonetheless.

But the video…the video…

It brought it all home to me that there will be nothing else new from him after this (assuming SM doesn’t decide to bless us with his unreleased material).  There will be no more new performances where he bless us with his charisma and sound; there will be no adorable fan moments where he knew what he was doing; there will be no more big laughs with smiles that travel all the way up to his eyes and infect us with joy.  This visual makes everything so final in a way the previous one didn’t…because I knew there would be one more and, as hard as it was to watch, I held on to that fact.  I didn’t realize how not ready for it all to be over I truly was until this moment.

But still, everything here is beautiful.  SM has managed to give us the best of him as we knew him.  As much as I cried from sadness watching this, I also cried tears of happiness at all that I got to experience of this unique talent.  Someone like Jonghyun is rare; I’m grateful that I had the chance to share some time in this world with him.  And I am grateful that there are beautiful things like this to remind me of those good times.

Until spring, Jonghyun, we will keep your memory warm.

Things are always warm with pop!gaga

Lyrics:
Before spring comes
Before it gets warm
Shall we meet?

Before the day comes
When everyone else is asleep
Let’s met

Actually, looking at you
Watching over you makes me happy
Just looking at you smiling
Just watching over you makes me feel at peace

I know this sounds foolish
But I’m afraid to go to you
Even if you don’t understand
It’s alright, it’s alright
Because there’s still a lot of time
Before spring will come

Actually, I don’t want spring to come
Don’t want it to get warmer
Just looking at you smile from afar
Makes my heart ache

I know this sounds foolish
But I’m afraid to go to you
Even if you don’t understand
It’s alright, it’s alright
Because there’s still a lot of time
Before spring will come

They say spring will come faster than last year
But the cold and frozen winter is still here
Don’t worry about what to do
I’m alright, spring will come to me too

I don’t want to go to you
I’m afraid I’m contagious
when I forget my tears and my sadness
When spring comes to me too
Then

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